Children jokes
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
Best way of abortion?
Beyblade abortion.
LET IT R.I.P.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why does an orphanage have milk?
Because Dad never came back with the milk.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.