Children jokes
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
Best way of abortion?
Beyblade abortion.
LET IT R.I.P.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"