Childhood jokes
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes.
When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.
Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
What is an orphan's family reunion called?
Me time.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
"Ryan, come out to play-ee-ay!!"
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )