Child jokes

Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They never reach home.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.