Child jokes

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

"Johnny, why wave?"

"Hi, Goo!"

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.

The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."

The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.

The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.

The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Remember kids, if ever you're bored, kick an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

Why do orphans hate Fridays?

Family movie night.

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

Children in the dark make mistakes.

Mistakes in the dark make children.

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.

Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"