Child jokes

Why are orphans only able to have iPhone X's? Because it doesn't have a home button.

There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.