Child jokes
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?
The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents can't watch them!
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?