Child jokes
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
What do you call a child with no family?
Names.
Memes
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
Where can't orphans park?
Parent child.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because I can’t hit a home run. 💀💀💀
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find home.
What did the drum name its children? Anna 1, Anna 2.