Child jokes
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
What joke could orphan's never understand?
Your Mom jokes.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"