Child jokes

What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?

Aaron.

What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?

The priest stopped him on the way there.

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.

Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!

I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?

The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.

The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.

After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."

What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?

My penis.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

Why is it okay to make fun of orphans?

Because they can't tell their parents.

The orphanage said I couldn't go home.

Your dad is gone.

I blend children to make a good living.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?

Because she wanted to join the Brownies.