Child jokes

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

What do you call a reverse exorcism?

It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?

Because they have no one to tell them off.

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

What do you call an orphan?

A bootysnagger45.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

What do Chinese parents hate the most?

A newborn daughter...

A father awaits the birth of his first child.

The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."

The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandpa is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandma is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!

Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!

Survives until tomorrow.

Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*

Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!

(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)

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Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

—Romans 8:15-16

What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?

Aaron.

What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?

The priest stopped him on the way there.

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.

What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?

The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.