Child jokes
Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They ain't got no home to run to.
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.