Child jokes
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
Memes
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me!
"Stupid ass baby."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is...
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
Does a midget count as an orphan?
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
How many children does Explain Bear have?
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.