Child jokes
Ur adopted.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.
Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"
Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.
Why can't orphans play rounders?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?
Because they can't make themselves at home.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...
But a creeper blows it up.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."