Child jokes

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?

They're both full of child groomers.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Heh, stupid orphan.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.

Ur adopted.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

Why can't orphans play cricket?

Because they can't find home.

What do you call a genderless child?

It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

What did the Queen Bee of Destiny's Child say?

"I'm so crazy in love..."

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

What do you call an orphan's family region?

Me time.

Mom: Let's have an adoption party!

Kid: *cries*

Mom: What's wrong?

Kid: I'M ADOPTED????