Child jokes
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
Why don't orphans play baseball?
They don't have a home to run back to.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...
But a creeper blows it up.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
Ur adopted.
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.
Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"
Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.