Child jokes
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They ain't got no home to run to.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Michael J. Fox isn't allowed around small children. When he touches them, he is immediately accused of shaken baby syndrome.
When you see a girl
How is spinach like anal sex? If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
Do you know why orphans don't have parents?
Because no one raised you.
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
Why did the orphan cross the ride?
I forgot.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why do orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents aren't!