Child

Child jokes

Abortion

    • In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

    You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

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    • Teacher

    • One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

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    • Child memes

    Fart

    • So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

    My dad starts laughing at me.

    Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

    Me: “Why dad?”

    Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

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    • Priest

    • Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

    Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

    Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

    Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

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    • Kid

    • One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

    His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

    Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

    Log

    • I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

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    • Woman

    • A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.

    One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

    The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.

    The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.

    At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.

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