Child jokes
Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"
Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."
Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
Addison Banks Age (8)
"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
ON BABY
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
Broccoli is like anal sex. If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Like if you know an orphan.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come back.
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"