Child jokes
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't hit a home run.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's long, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What is big, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause there is no home to run to.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Poop poop poop poop poop poop pp ppppppppppppoppppppppppooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppoooooopppp children pooooooooooooooooop in diapers.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never find home.
Why can’t orphans ride bikes?
Because they don’t have parent supervision.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they will never get home.