Child jokes
What's long, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What is big, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause there is no home to run to.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Poop poop poop poop poop poop pp ppppppppppppoppppppppppooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppoooooopppp children pooooooooooooooooop in diapers.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never find home.
Why can’t orphans ride bikes?
Because they don’t have parent supervision.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they will never get home.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...