Child jokes
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
"Stupid ass baby."
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
What did the mom say to the baby?
What do you call a baby in the crib?
Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"