Child jokes
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t go home.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can never find home.
Adopted kid:
Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
Alex:
Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."
Adopted kid:
OK, dad Alex.
Alex:
Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!
Adopted kid:
I’m so glad I have a mom.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Why did the child drop their ice cream?
They got hit by a bus.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"