Ceiling jokes
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
Two Australians walk into a bar. They run into the ceiling fan immediately.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on how high your ceiling is.
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
How do you organize a rave party in Ethiopia? Just put some bread on the ceiling.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"