Ceiling jokes
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
What did the floor say to the ceiling?
"I look up to you."
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
How do you organize a rave party in Ethiopia? Just put some bread on the ceiling.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.