why cant orphans play baseball?
cause they don't know where home is
why did the egg cross the road ?
cause he wanted to be scrambled
WHY IS THE MOON RED TODAY?The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then your hard boiled, that’s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be KITTEN me.” Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He B*NED her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day.... only cause I wanted my first time to be special...
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton and you still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work "
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
anything can be funny with the right delivery except for abortion jokes cause there is no delivery
Can I tell you a cat joke? Yes cause its purrfect
What do inner city schools and database have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
Do want to know why they call it an orphanage? Cause they couldn't call it orphans home
Why are Retards good at Basketball? Cause they Dribble all the time!
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
"TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN" ==========================
(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP : TEENY DICK
BUMP : TINY TIT
GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP : IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP : AN ASS
DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP : SEE "HUMP"
. . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL !!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS !! ..... sniff,sniff ........ Ewww !" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk !... I better go, 'cause I just went !! ..... Ha! ha! ha!"
......"Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY !!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen. ==============================
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with "what do you mean I already did it" then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said "Aww it pays to be lazy!"
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything
Why didn't steven Hawkins get into fights
Cause he couldn't stand up for himself
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity then the SantaFe school shooting?
Cause Royal Weddings dont happen every week.
