Cause jokes
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the street?
'Cause it got stuck in a pothole!
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
Why isn't the athlete in the full bus? Because she is trying to fit in.
Why do athletes cool down fast? Because they have fans.
Wash your hands.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.
Yes, this joke is stolen.
Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Have you ever stepped foot in Stephen Hawking's house? 'Cause he hasn't either.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.