I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
So I added Paul walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does isn’t sit on the dashboard
Why didn’t the Japanese guy get a high five? Cause Logan Paul left him hanging...
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
There were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? None cause they are all copycats.
why are orphans called orphans cause there gay
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
Why do orphans go to church?
Cause its the only place were they get to call him father
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Are you an egg? 'Cause your jokes ain't funny.
So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"
Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"
Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?
Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
