Catch jokes
Who’s the hottest girl in the world?
Babe Ruth cuz she catches the sun.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
I went to catch the fog this morning, I mist.
I tried to catch fog, but sadly, I missed.
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with Down syndrome yesterday. You should try watching it on catch up... "Watership Down."
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of fishing?
Catching BIG BASS.
Why don’t eagles 🦅 like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
My girlfriend is so fat that when she runs or walks, she falls, so I am breaking up with you.
🙍🏼♀️Fat girlfriend: Nooo, don’t leave me, catch me, ahhh!
🙇🏼♀️Fat girlfriend falls on boyfriend: Ahhhhhh *dump*
🙇🏼♀️🙇🏼Fat girlfriend and boyfriend: Fat girlfriend: U didn’t catch me wawawawa. Boyfriend: Get off me, 900 pounds, ugh, I hate u!
Story done. Please like.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
The boy ran into the gym, why?
Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.
Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You-neak up on it.
Trump's releasing the files.
To catch all the pedophiles.
He didn't know Epstein.
Didn't touch any teens.