Cat jokes

What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?

An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.

What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.

If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.

There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.

Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.

Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.

Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.

Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.

Oh God By Dixie Rect.

Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.

Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.

Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.

How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.

Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.

The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.

What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?

A boomboxer.

Can I tell you a cat joke?

Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.

Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?

A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.

How many are hungry?

A. 10

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

You see a cat, it's dead, you are dead.

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."