Cat jokes

"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.

"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.

Spread the cat gun.

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

But cat scan!

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

Autistic kids are like cats. Prove me wrong.

You see a cat, it's dead, you are dead.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?

I haven’t banged a hooker.

If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

Now their owner is dying.

HAHAHAHA

A cat in the desert be like:

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do cat orphans watch sci-fi movies?

Because they won't understand what the mother ship is.

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.