Cat jokes

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.

“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hang ‘em?”

Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...

AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."

So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

ok like for part two☺☺☺

This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.

How many cats are in the human body?

None, unless you're Asian.

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

Question: How did the cat cross the river?

Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.

People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.

Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.

My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?

I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.

Which category is glory in?

Cats.

What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?

An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

What did Caesar’s cat say to him?

Nothing. Cats don’t talk.

What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.

What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.

You cat to be kitten me right meow!