Cat jokes
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
Why do animals cross the road?
Because it is funny, do you say "dogs" and "cats?"
When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
A black cat will be racist next.