Cat jokes

What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?

The cat says "me toooo!"

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?

Only the taste.

We gotta keep it goin' ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.

I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.

Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.

"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."

Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.

"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

But cat scan!

Somebody asked me, "What's that on your arm?" I just said, "My cats got OCD."

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.