why did the golpher change his pants? in case he got a hole in one
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case he had to drop some BOMBS
Why did the rapper bring a pencil to the concert?
In case he needed to drop some FRESH LINES
Whatβs black and at the top of a stair case? Stephen Hawking during a house fire
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
Wipe your feet before entering but in Stephen Hawkings case it is Wipe your wheels.
Police: Hey man look at this! * throws cocaine at fan and flew back his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I βcrackβ the case.
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.
'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.
And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'
To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'
To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'
Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
were do you go if you lost a pencil office works they have solved lodes of pencil cases
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
Solved a murder involving the nut case.
Why didnβt Sthephen Hawking go to heaven? Because its a stair case not a ramp
Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve? Answer; Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".
Why do orphan be come hoorkes case they can call someone dadday
Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?
In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES
steven hawkings death you should of gotten a case
1) What was Techno's reaction when he died
2) Where did all the orphans go!
PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd JUMP
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello please divert to 5Β°East to avoid collision. Thank you." The commander starts answering: "No you divert 5Β° West to avoid collision. Over!" "Sorry sir You are the one who should divert to 5Β°East! Over! "Listen to me you asshole! We are the USS Washington and we have an entire fleet at our disposal and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!" After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again: "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
