Car jokes
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.