Car

Car jokes

Add joke

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

  • 2

    • My parents told me I was born on the highway.

    Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

    billie: hi.

    me: You wanna hear a story?

    billie: Yes, sure.

    me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

  • 3

    • My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

    At least now I can have his phone he left.

    A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.

    What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

    I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

    There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

    Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

    Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

    These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

    Only Ninety's kids know about this.

    A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

    The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

  • 4

    • What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?

    I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

    Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

    Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

    Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

    Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

    He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

    Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

  • 3