Car jokes

Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?

It was ran over. 🐧

What do you take care of after a car crash?

The witnesses.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."

"Hey, today was great."

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car."

A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.

The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"

Seat belts are like the condom for cars.

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

Race car backwards is race car.

Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.

Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

1950: In the future there will be flying cars.

2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.