Car jokes
Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?
A big Mexican woman.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.