Captain jokes
Captain America is a 106-year-old virgin.
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
The pirate looked down the toilet, and what did he see?
The captain's log.
Roses are red, violets are blue, My name is Bucky, And I am stucky.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
kapteyn = captain
Even Captain Cook couldn't discover your eyebrows.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”
Even Captain Cook couldn't discover your forehead.
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"
What is long and hard and is full of seamen?
A submarine.
What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.