Cant jokes

Department

  • The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.

    Mum

  • Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

    Man

  • What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

    They both can’t get up without a dog.

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  • Giraffe

  • Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?

    Teacher: 203

    Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?

    Teacher: You can't.

    Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.

    How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

    Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?

    Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.

    The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?

    Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.

    Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.

    Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?

    Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?

    Student: No, the alligators are at the party.

    Sally dies anyway, how?

    Teacher: She frowned?

    Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.

    Orphan

  • I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

    Now I can’t get it to shut up.

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