Cant jokes
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.
Oh well, that's politics.
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."