Can

Can Jokes

Fight

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

Kid

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

Seafood

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

Dinner

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

Mosquito

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Pimp

How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?

Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.

Lap

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

Soccer

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

Girl

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”

Trans

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

Hospital

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Donald Trump

How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?

He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!

Olympics

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?