If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Can Jokes
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
What do you call a banana that can dance?
CHUPAPIMUNYANYO BUISNESS [sic]
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?