Can jokes

Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

Cot death.

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you… wait… also the regret after.

Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.

Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"

Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.

Jarod (😏): Man, Breya Smith is so hot! The things I would do!

Y'uree (😟): Yes, but... she moved, remember? Her father found a new "job," so she is now leaving until the fall.

Jarod (😞): Ah yes! BECAUSE!!!!!

Y'uree (😯): I don't know, bitch. Maybe she has other things to do, or we can give her a good gangbang before she leaves!

Jarod: (😒): No, I really want to fuck her by myself!

Jarod (🤔): Hmmmmmmm..... mhmmmmmm..... ummmmm..... hmmmmm.... not a bad idea!

Jarod (🤨): Or not?

Y'uree (🙄): Shut up, man!

Jarod (😠): NO, I mean it! THAT GIRL HAS THE BEST ASS FOR ORAL SEX!

The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

"GWEN, can you help me? There's some person messing with me. There name is JADSA, something like that. Look for a joke named Jayden."

Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?

Because they can actually land a home.