Can jokes

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

Why can Asian people buy phones?

'Cause they might call the wrong number.

Your mama is so ugly even Dora can't explore her.

Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

Orphan: Parent signature: ___________

Why can Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bat.

Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?

They both can throw a hook.

Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was "remarkable."

How can you tell if Google is a girl?

It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!

Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!

Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣

Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...

What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.