A Roman guy walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Can I have 5 beers please?"
Can Jokes
Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana. BORNANA.
Eating pork rinds, sword fightin' in pajamas at the crib playin' Fortnite with your grandma.
Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
What music do depressed people listen to?
"I Believe I Can Fly."
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
What game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?
Tic-tac-toe.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Hey, can you Putin deez nuts?
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
