Can jokes

Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.

Man: I wish for more wishes.

Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.

Man: I wish I could.

Genie: ......

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.

What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.

Can you see me?

See, I was always told puns are funny.

But I can see now they aren't punny.

Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?

A: It rises every morning.

I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!

How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).

Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.

So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”