Came jokes

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.

Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.

Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.