Call jokes
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
What do you call a green camel?
My parents left me.
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?
Your next door grumpy old neighbor.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.