Call jokes

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!

What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?

A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)

What do you call a chair with a hat?

I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

What do you call a 18+ animal jam?

Play Wild!

What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...

What do you call a male ladybug?

Trans.

What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?

"9 Juan Juan, who this?"

What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.

What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.

Want to hear a joke? It's called life.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

What do you call a smart blonde?

Nonexistent.

Some people call them glue sticks, but they're blue sticks.

So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?

What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.

What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.

What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?

Love at first byte! <3