Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
What do you call butter without an expiration date?
A miracle butter, because wow!
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
Why are butts salty?
Because there buttered!
What type of fish goes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"
Bob says, "Umm no."
Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."
A man came up to me and threatened me with his milk, cheese, and butter... how dairy!
What did the expired butter do once it had expired?
It did an expire.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
What is a bus 🚌?
Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
What's a shark's favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!
