But jokes

Why were the people in 911 devastated?

They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

You may not like me, but you still look up to me.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

Hey so I like orphan jokes, and some of them are fun, but I think that's engonp.

Guys talk to me is what the emo loner said, but seriously, talk to me.

You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.

Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a touchy subject.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Your forehead is so big that NASA went to discover Mars, but then they said, "Oops, wrong planet. Mars is smaller than this, we will discover it later."

I'm about to say this but.....

*whentheimposterissus*

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!

You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.

Okay so not a joke but like- There's a fucking noose in my school gym.

Why do girls play handball? Because they want to feel balls.

But then why do boys want to? Oh...

Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!

"Prince???? Where are you??? I might have to go to bed for real, but I just wish we could talk at night. Why don't we anyway? (I love you so much!)"