But jokes

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.

We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped, I didn’t laugh, but the floor cracked up.

Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.

But she so ugly people are repelled by her.

Tried making 9/11 jokes, but none of it kept falling apart.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.