But jokes
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Memes
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain!
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Logan Taub has a BBC, Big Butt Chin!
I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"
I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.