But jokes

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

Logan Taub has a BBC, Big Butt Chin!

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Yo mamma's so fat no one was laughing, but the ground was cracking up.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.