1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
Why do orphans live on buses?
They never have a home to stop at.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
How do bees get to school?
They go on a school buzz.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.
Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”
Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.
What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.
Somebody asked Rosa Parks what color the Skittles were, but she answered everything was black and white.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
