Breath jokes

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

MrBeast: *breathes*

Twitter: 😡🤬

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.

Think about it.

What do George Floyd and Jordan Neely have in common?

Both can't breathe.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath.

What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?

The George Floyd situation was breathtaking.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.

A blind man went to a restaurant.

"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.

The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

What's George Floyd's newest song?

"I can't breathe."

How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.

What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.