Breath jokes
Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"
What do George Floyd and Jordan Neely have in common?
Both can't breathe.
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
How do rappers freshen their breath?
With COOL YO mints!
What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?
Nothing, they both can’t breathe.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
Your mama's breath smells so bad, people can't wait for her to fart.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?
Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."
Gym Teacher: "That's alright."
Other Kid: "Hush!"
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What do cannibals eat to freshen their teeth?
Mentos.