Breath jokes

What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?

I don't know. I suffocated at birth.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

Covid be like, "I'm going to take your breath away."

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

What do you call a living Panera Bread?

Panera Breath.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."

What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.

When you breathe.

What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?

They both have very little air to breathe.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.

I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!

Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!

I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?

When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.

How does Jesus whistle?

By blowing through the holes in his hands.

What happened after George Floyd went to the drugstore to buy Zicam Extreme Congestion Relief?

George Floyd was able to breathe again.

Does breath smell like 🍑?