Breath jokes
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
10 Fun Facts.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.
When you breathe.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."