My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
Bird Box.
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
How do you get a baby in a box? With a blender.
Q: What is a box's favorite sport?
A: Box-ketball.
Why did the emo kid cross the road? To get a box of tissues!
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
Yo mama sooooo stupid, she bought tickets to Xbox Live!
