Book jokes
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.
She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rowling.
Once I read a book about glue.
I couldn't put it down.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
Here are 20 jokes for you:
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!
How does a bee style its hair? With a honeycomb!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer!
I hope these jokes brought a smile to your face! Let me know if you'd like to hear more.
What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?
Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
Make him read a book.
Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to ride Ponyboy Curtis.
What's a gun's favorite type of literature?
Magazine.