Guys, donβt put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Why donβt you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you wonβt bring it back afterwards.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about womenβs rights shouldnβt go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?
"Wow, Harry!"
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
Top 10 Cos:
1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco
Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.
Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?
A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
What is Africa's most played game?
The Hunger Games.
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
