Book jokes

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?

They wanted some chocolate balls.

What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got a lot of problems!

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?

"Wow, Harry!"

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

Top 10 Cos:

1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco

Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.

Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?

A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

What is Africa's most played game?

The Hunger Games.

I am reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

9/11 victims are the best readers.

They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.

What do you call gay men receiving anonymous blowjobs at the glory holes inside an adult bookstore?

Norwegian massage.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?

Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?