Body jokes

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

There's something on your chin, no, the third one down.

What did the poo say to the fart:

You blow me away!

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?

Because they got little dicks and big mouths.

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.

Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,

"Thank you for your donation!"

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.

Bully: Your mom gay.

Me: There's something on your chin.

Bully: Where?

Me: No, on your fourth one.

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?

It’s not hard.

I'm hard right now.

'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)

What did the first guy say to the second?

Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?

Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.

Yo mama fat as fuck.