Body jokes
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
When you die, scientists will preserve your skull.
What did buttholes say after taking a dump?
Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?
His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
What do Woody and Hitler have in common?
Their bodies go limp before they get caught.
Why were the Indians telling the others to chop off their noses when they got close to 12 inches?
Because then it would be a foot. LOL! I may have peed myself.