Body jokes
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
Why was the clown sad?
He broke his funny bone. PS: "funny bone" is not actually a bone.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What did the poo say to the fart:
You blow me away!
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
I'm hard right now.
'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)
What has legs but can't walk?
Don't know? A paralyzed person ;))
Read this and you're gay.
Depression has been entered into your body.
Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."