My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Guess what song this is from:
"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,
Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,
Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.
I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didnโt have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didnโt think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, โSo when will I die?โ She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?
"I will be back next month."
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, โA Bloody Mary?โ
The vampire shakes his head. โHot water for me.โ
โHot water?โ
โI found a tampon out back and want to make tea.โ
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isnโt working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
