Blood jokes
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
What's white, black, and red all over?
A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.
Now ain't that cool?
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.